"I was diagnosed with depression my senior year of high school. That was when it first really affected me. My family and friends were supportive and loving--but right after that, I moved in to Notre Dame. I was scared to tell people because I didn't want to put my problems on someone else's shoulders. Everyone has their own struggles, and I didn't want mine to be burden. Then my sophomore year, two of my aunts passed away of cancer. And again, I didn't feel the need to tell people about what a difficult time I was having.
"But as soon as I told my roommates, they were supportive and loving like I had never imagined. They help me in whatever ways I need; they offer me hugs and affirmation when I need it. I even found a picture of us tucked into my planner just a few weeks ago--one of my roommates had hidden it in there before I left for London. On the back is an amazing letter about how much she misses me. I didn't realize how much I needed that kind of support system until I found it. And they've been nothing but amazing to me.
"I've always wanted to study in London, but in the back of my mind, I was nervous about coming somewhere where I didn't have that support system. The microcosm of Notre Dame students here don't necessarily know my background. Many of us arrive as acquaintances or strangers, and I had to figure out how to talk to people about it all over again. One of the most important things I've learned while living abroad is to take care of myself. I do what makes me happy when I need it, even if it's not the easiest thing to do. If I need to get coffee on my own, I'll do it, because it's what I need. I had to learn how to do that once leaving the Notre Dame bubble for a semester.
"To someone else who's going through the same thing, I'd tell them to trust their loved ones. Trust that they will take care of you, support you, and do their best to understand. I've only felt loved from the friends I've told. While strangers might not ever guess that I struggle with a mental illness, it's helped me empathize with those who go through the same struggles."
"I've heard differing opinions on transfer students. Some people tell you not to bring it up. But I'm not ashamed of it. Plus, I think it shows that I love my school that much more.
"Transferring to Notre Dame after my freshman year was one of the hardest things I've done. I previously played varsity soccer and had a knee injury, and I thought to myself: is this it? Looking around, I loved my college and my friends, but my gut wondered if the image of college in my head would ever fit my reality. My roommate my freshman year joked that she always knew I'd go to Notre Dame: apparently the first thing I talked to her about was going to a Notre Dame game, even despite being on the soccer team.
"It's tough to miss the experiences Notre Dame students have their freshman year. I think it could have gone smoother than it did. Because of soccer, I'd never been to a freshman orientation before, while many girls in my hallway were friends because of orientation experiences. On top of that, I was injured and had a brace on my leg, so my first few weeks at Notre Dame were limited to the community on the first floor of my dorm. I made friends in class and participated as much as I could in dorm activities, but I found myself drawn to my transfer family. We share experiences in a very specific way, and it brings us closer together.
"The transfer students come from all over and are placed in different dorms, but we're a family. Before I arrived for my sophomore year, I got a call from a Notre Dame student who said she'd be my transfer 'mom', and told me who my transfer 'dad' was. Now I have transfer 'brothers,' 'sisters,' 'nieces,' and 'nephews.' It's totally normal to us to talk about each other with family terminology.
"But in addition to being the hardest thing I've ever done, transferring to Notre Dame was also the most rewarding thing I've ever done. I was always interested in the London program at Notre Dame, especially because it's an opportunity you don't find anywhere else. This has been an opportunity for me to make British friends through my internship, yet become closer to Notre Dame students in London, since our specific program has its own dorm and classroom buildings. I'm making friends and becoming close to people with opportunities I wouldn't have had elsewhere.
"I think any transfer will tell you that it's not easy to come to campus after a year or two somewhere else. You have to make new friends. You don't always get the best pick of classes. You have to acclimate to a new campus. But I'm one who trusts my gut, and my gut told me I belonged here. I distinctly recall one of the first nights I was at Notre Dame, walking from LaFun with a group of transfers, and we all stopped at the same time and gazed at the Dome. Then someone said, 'Guys...we get to go here.' And I think that sums it up. It's not that Notre Dame students don't appreciate their college--but I think transfer students appreciate it in a specific and unique way."
"The day I moved into my dorm, I was nervous about explaining my invisible illness to my roommate. Over the past few years, I had spent time in and out of hospitals, undergoing treatment, and on medication for my Crohn's Disease. I wanted to make sure my roommate understood the complications and the lifestyle I was going to have to lead in college. But as soon as I met my roommate and her parents, they began to explain my roommate's invisible illness to me! I got so excited that we had this in common, and we immediately began sharing stories.
"It's through connections like this that I've been able to connect with a circle of people like me at Notre Dame--people with invisible illnesses. Although we have a variety of diagnoses, we connect on a very specific and personal level. Soon after meeting my roommate, I heard from friends and from friends-of-friends about other people with restricted diets, people who couldn't get out of bed, people who were on the same medications I was. It became this 'tribe,' if you will, of people we know we can talk to. When we get together for meals, it's hilarious: there are so many food restrictions that it's tough to find something we can all eat together.
"One difficult part of spending a semester in London is being apart from that community. I had to explain my Crohn's to a new set of people. They saw someone who, from the outside, looked fine. My friends and I always cite Christine Miseradino's 'spoon theory' to explain how daily activities can be immensely difficult for someone with Crohn's, or with anything else. When I talk about my Crohn's, I've been asked in earnest if I'm dying. This must come from someone who just can't imagine what it's like. Those are the times I wish I had that friend group back with me, those who understand what I'm going through.
"But I would not wish my Crohn's away, as crazy as that might sound. It has made me who I am. It has made me a stronger person. I appreciate good days so differently now that it's not something I can always count on. I've found my friends by connecting with them over my illness. I've made friends in hospitals and with doctors. I now know that I'm so much stronger than I think I am. I don't want to be pitied: I want to be understood. And respected. You can't compare your struggles with anyone else's. Nobody wins the competition for having it the hardest. But you can connect, become stronger, and grow from it. And that's what I've learned since my diagnosis."
"My first semester abroad was much harder than this semester. I think some of that can be attributed to missing the football season. So much of the fall was spent thinking of home and struggling with those feelings. After the fall semesters, I had a break month, where I traveled to something like 18 cities in 29 days. It was ridiculous, I know. But in that span of time, it kind of hit me: I can learn to make any place my home. It might not always be easy or fast, but I am capable of it.
"Now that my spring semester in Rome is coming to a close, I will admit I'm ready to see America again. This is partly because I haven't actually been home for over a year, since I also worked abroad last summer. Whether it's Notre Dame or my hometown, I've always felt that a place I call 'home' cares about me. Notre Dame is welcoming and warm. You truly feel that the community cares about you and your well-being. It's an important, huge, and hard transition to come to a city where that isn't true. In a huge population, everyone has a life to live, and not everyone is interested in your life and story. It's hard. But it's a growing experience, and I say that with confidence.
"I only actually visited the Colosseum this semester, and I've been here for more than half a year! I finally decided to immerse myself fully. I visit an Italian coffee shop before my history class every week. There, I practice my Italian with the old man whose family runs the restaurant. He's constantly correcting me, but I'm doing it. I'm learning.
"It's hard to hear someone say this and then not get discouraged about an experience abroad. But you keep trying, and you get the hang of it, and you make memories. And it's formative: I'm very seriously considering doing graduate school or research in Europe. That's what I've taken from this experience. I can make my home anywhere, and I'd love to continue to use these skills here."
"This semester, I've had to define what Notre Dame means to me. I grew up with Notre Dame all my life, since I grew up in South Bend. Notre Dame has been a part of my earliest memories, from feeding the ducks with my mom to learning to ride a bike. (The quads aren't easy!) This semester, I'm studying with two other Notre Dame students in Norwich, England -- where nobody has even heard of Notre Dame. That's a huge change. All the memories, feelings, and lessons I associate with Notre Dame are not universally understood. I'm learning how to define them.
"Being faced with this challenge has been hard, and, honestly, not always pleasant. But it's also important and much-needed. When I applied to out-of-state schools in high school, I had to define school and home on a much smaller level. I've come to appreciate how Notre Dame actively facilitates deepening your relationships, deepening your faith, deepening your sense of community. It's only by being away from campus that I see how extraordinary it is. Now I know what to appreciate, and how to appreciate it, when I return to campus for my senior year."
