"My friends did my hair. Yesterday it was along the lines of an afro. Then this morning, they shaved the sides. They used a bunch of products, but it wouldn't stand up. So they ended up using Elmer's glue and cutting a bunch of it off to get it to be a proper mohawk. The perfect hair for the Fisher Regatta and then the Goo Goo Dolls concert. Eventually it's gonna get cut off, though, and I'll be bald."
                "Everyone was very impressed with your regatta finish: paddling a single barrel in the lake by yourself, still smoking your cigar. They thought it was classy."
"Classy? Really? Hey, that's good to hear. I was thinking of a different word for it myself. Do you want the cigar in the picture?"